WHAT IS THE STATE OF YOUR UNION?

When was the last time you intentionally thought about the "state of your union"? Was it on your first wedding anniversary or just before the kids arrived? Is your life so full of activity that you don't have time to think about your marriage? Do you know what your spouse's biggest need is this week? Do you care?

If you answered no to either of the last two questions, chances are you haven't taken time to evaluate your marriage in quite some time. Life has a way of racing by and we feel fortunate if we can remember to be where we are supposed to be at any given time, let alone have time for a relaxing conversation with our spouse. Throw in the kids' sports, music or dance lessons and you have a calendar full enough to make even the presidentís schedule look like a walk in the park.

Relationships require time. You cannot maintain a healthy, fulfilling marriage without investing time in each other. You will find yourselves becoming more and more detached. Like two ships passing in the harbor, you have the same home but your lives never intersect. Before you know it your kids are teenagers and you find yourself looking across the table at this stranger.

I believe that the best thing we can do for our children is to love our spouses and put the marriage relationship ahead of the children. There is a great deal of security for kids who have parents that love each other. Not only are they secure, but they learn that the world does not revolve around them. Society surely doesn't need any more self-centered, demanding people who have no consideration for others.

Putting your marriage first might require some drastic changes in your life. You may even have to set the family down and explain that you haven't done it quite right and that you will be doing things differently from now on. You will probably have to start with your schedule. Do the kids really need to be involved in so many activities? Don't you think they get a little tired too?

When was the last time they had time to use their imagination to create something or to read a book or to lay in the grass and watch the clouds roll by? What's going to happen to all of our poets, artists and inventors who never have time to develop their creativity because their lives are too scheduled to allow time for an original idea?

After clearing a few things from your schedule, maybe you can find time for that wonderful person you married. At least you used to think he was wonderful. Chances are he still is, you just haven't spent enough time with him to realize it. Take a walk together or sip a cup of coffee on the porch and talk about your dreams. Life is so much sweeter when shared with someone we love.

I'm a firm believer that as the marriage goes, so goes the family. As the family goes, so goes the nation. As the nation goes, so goes the world! So I ask you once again, what is the "state of your union"? The world is waiting for your answer.

Copyright © 2002 Jeanne Wing. All Rights Reserved.