What to Expect When You're Expecting Teens
by Steve McCullen
http://www.ShapeTheNews.com

If you are like most parents you have a well worn copy of What to Expect When You are Expecting up on a shelf or collecting dust in some far off corner. You are or have been enjoying a number of years where you don’t have to dress and feed your child, they are still warm and loving and easy to get along with. And now come the teen years. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was one book that covered it all? Wouldn’t it be nice if one method worked for everyone parent and child alike? I’m sorry I don’t have such a book for you but I have compiled a reading list that may be useful. If you are expecting teens or know someone that is this link may be as useful and welcome as that well worn copy of What to Expect When Your Expecting. Below are the categories you will find on the list:

The teen years actually are starting earlier and earlier and hence the new category of “tweens” has come into favor. These are the middle school years you may start to a new side to your child as early as age ten and many children will remain in the “tween” phase until age fourteen or so.

The next category is the for the average or normal teen, If there is such a thing. These set of books can help you understand what is “normal” behavior for teens and some common methods for coping with them.

Part of being a teen is being moody and irritable. It is also a time of immense physical growth which can make them tired and somewhat lethargic. These are also just some of the symptoms of depression. You should become aware of what is normal for a teen and what is depression. Using the wrong type of discipline or motivation when the child is suffering from depression will not bring about the desired outcome and could lead to disastrous results.

Bullying and harassment is still occurring in our schools. As an interesting experiment, instead of asking your child if they are bullied or harassed try asking them if it is occurring at their school. I think you will be surprised at the level of their response. Bullying and harassment can sometimes explain some odd behaviors. Sudden loss of interest in school or other activities, minor vandalism or theft and a host of other symptoms. Girls are not immune, I am seeing more and more girls involved in physical conflicts. Girls often suffer another type of bullying which includes exclusion, rumor starting and other behaviors.

Drug and alcohol abuse is still problem for many of our young people. It may be your child’s main problem or just another symptom entwine with your teens situation. Your teens primary care physician is an excellent starting place. Your local health department might also have programs or maintain a referral list for your area. This section includes many books to help you address or prevent a substance abuse problem.

Teenagers and sex these topics seem never to be far apart. Next to substance abuse and bullying this was an area that many parents sought advice on. After working with teens I think far less sexually activity goes on than we fear or imagine. But it only takes one encounter to strap you and your teen with a lifetime responsibility. Much has been made about whether sex education leads to sexual activity and I will let you draw your own conclusions but here is my take. If you take responsibility for your teens knowledge you know it will be done in away that is consistent with your beliefs and value system. It will not encourage or discourage your adolescent from engaging in sexual activity it will just make him or her less vulnerable to misinformation. The ability to talk openly about sex with your child is a good first start but that alone will not encourage or discourage sexual activity. Having relevant factual knowledge, strong self esteem, the ability to delay gratification toward greater goals will have the strongest effect. Lynda Madaras has different books for boys and girls which I really like. I feel they are suited for all age groups. My advice is to read them yourself if you find it suitable give it to your child. (They will laugh at you and say they already know everything, but I guarantee they will be consulted as needed through out their teen years.

These are books that may be helpful if you have an “out of control” teen. Some teens behavior or personality may require different strategies than those teenagers who are not as challenging. Some professionals now believe that certain children are naturally hardwired to be fiercely defiant and independent. I have included Stop Walking on Egg Shells which is a book that is primarily about boarder line personality disorder. It will be tempting to make this diagnosis when reading the book which I urge you not to do. Leave that to the professionals. The book is an excellent source on how to cope with a loved ones behaviors. I personally think it would be helpful in a co-dependent relationship of any type. It will be especially helpful if your child makes false accusations against you. Remember when you read these “get tough” books, you do not have to agree with or employ the authors strategies in their entirety but they do offer excellent background, educational and coping strategies for hurting parents. As always adapt what you think is useful to your situation and only employ the methods that you feel are right for you and your child.

Teenage boys, a mixture of bravado and insecurity. Maybe the most misunderstood and overlooked segment of our society. These books will be useful to both mom and dad and maybe extra useful for single mothers on what to expect and how to best understand and communicate with your son.

The final section of the list is devoted to teenage girls. These books will be useful for dads both married and single. They are also good for the moms who are now experiencing something different than what they expected.

The reading list can be viewed at:

http://www.shapethenews.com/page/page/709864.htm


Steve McCullen is a Maryland Police Officer with experience in Youth Programs. In addition to writing about parenting issues he hosts the website http://www.shapethenews.com Please send comments about this article to Steve at mcfun61@hotmail.com